Adventures of ...

No it's not, it's awesome.

2010-08-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

Somewhere along the way...somewhere along the journey, amidst my superficial and society driven materialistic drive to obtain objective possessions...I lost my way.

How do I retrace my steps if I don't know which way I came?

I don't know. I'm lost...well, I lost myself at some point and I must regain it. And by "it," I mean my swagger.

I should write more often.

FYI...I still rule.

"So Watcha Want"

Rebirth

2009-12-21T17:31:00.000-08:00

I've decided to start posting once again. I've spent the past couple of days reading through my old posts and I've reached an undeniable conclusion: I'm awesome. Like a Phoenix, I'm reborn and ready to begin anew.

I'll begin posting on a regular basis...so much to discuss. Well, not really discuss, more like pour my thoughts on "paper" and re-gain my swagger.

Song of the moment:

"Empire State of Mind"

Jay-Z Featuring Alicia Keys

Jay-Z is STILL the best rapper alive.

2009-12-19T23:18:00.000-08:00

2008-02-18T08:28:00.000-08:00

Well, my best good friend just had his first kid. A baby girl.

Well, he didn't his fiance did, but you get the idea. I mean it's physically and biologically improbable for a man to give birth. Although, it did happen in that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. And even then it did not seem like something I would like to experience. BUT, you do get maternity leave. Nah, I'll pass...but let's digress.

So, with him becoming a father it got me thinking. I'm the only one from "The Three Amigos" that has not had a kid. Actually, out of all of our friends I'm probably one of the last to have a kid. However, I'm not in a rush...nope, not at all. But, it got me thinking as to what type of father I would be...or I would like to be.

I'm not entirely sure I would like to have kids. I take that back. I would like to have kids. However, I think I may lean more towards adopting at this point. I think there's plenty of children out there who need a good home and (a) loving parent (s). It's unfortunate that there are plenty of kids that nobody wants, or they couldn't keep. I wouldn't mid adopting two kids. Preferably, a brother and sister combo. Sorta, like a two-pack you find at Costco. I would prefer the boy to be a older, or maybe vice versa. I'm not sure. However, I do know that they would grow up to be Chicago Bears fans. If not, I'll keep that receipt and return their ass in a nanosecond.

But, seriously, I'm giving more and more thought to adopting children. I know that at this time I'm not in a financial position to be in charge of another human life. And, my career aspirations wouldn't be suited for raising kids. I predicts that I'll be home in doses...unless I find a wife.

I'm currently addicted to watching "The First 48." The show is a reality investigative show that follows detectives during the first 48 hours of a homicide as they try to solve the case. The reason for the name of the show, and the importance of the first 48 hours of a homicide, is that the chances of solving a homicide immediately drops to 50% after 48 hours. It's a fact.

Anywhos, most of the detectives on the show are married. We get to see the impact of their job on their married life. In the episode I was watching last night, the detective was cooking dinner for his family. It was the first time in a long time he had the opportunity to do so. His job keeps him on call 24 hours a day. He was fixing dinner, sipping on a glass on wine, his wife and daughter were all going to sit down for a family dinner. Ring, ring, ring....it was his cell phone. They just found the suspect of the case their currently working on...he had to go into work. He had to tell his wife, and let me tell you. She was not happy at all.

I guess the point is that being on call 24 hours a day can put tremendous strain on a family. I don't think that being a detective is an occupation that was meant to have a spouse. It's funny because I think that position was made for me. I guess that's why I've always had that feeling that I was meant to be alone. Perhaps I was destined to be an investigator.

Well, I need to close this entry. It's beginning to be derailed. Besides, I need to get back to rocking out on Guitar Hero.

Piece!!!!

2008-02-10T07:37:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling...mentally defeated lately. Physically, I'm feeling well and I don't have any complaints. However, the academic rigor of the past couple of years is taking its toll. I feel unmotivated and I feel as If I'm not learning as much as I should.

I need to update the 'ole resume. I'm looking into an internship at this time. But, I need to begin applying at my interested agencies. The hiring process is quite lengthy and I should be done with my graduate program.

I need to return to my studies. Arrgggghhhh. I'm tired of studying...I would like to simply work and not worry about school...but that's another time down the line.

I'll be checking sooner rather than later.

2007-12-02T20:45:00.000-08:00

I feel as if I'm losing sight of my goal. Distracted or perhaps merely being put to the test to see if that REALLY what I envisioned. But, I know that the goal is still in my mind and spectrum of choices.

Damn, the Bears are looking not so good this year. It's a combination of several things, not just one. But, if I had to narrow it down to one....it would be the offense, or lack there of.

Happy Birthday to me...almost a month late...but, oh well.

The year is practically over. I should go over my goals and see how many I accomplished and set new ones for the upcoming year.

Wii is alot of fun. I'm stuck on the tennis game.

Well, I need to get some sleep.

Found my way back....

2007-10-27T17:17:00.000-07:00

Updizzle fo' shizzle...Um, where do I begin?

School: Officially graduated. I participated in the festivities in July, but I had a few classes to finish up. Now I begin the treacherous journey called Graduate school. I thought about taking a break, but I figure I might was well get it over with. I know that taking a break can lead to not finishing.

Chicago: Well, what can I say? I had a great weekend in the "Windy City." I tell myself that Chicago is where I belong. I do enjoy/prefer cold weather and of course my favorite football team plays there. It would be a win - win. We (GF and I) managed to watch a game at Soldier Field. It was amazing...borderline spiritual. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but it was memorable. I've been a Chicago Bears fan since 1988...and now I can die happy because I've seen a game at Soldier Field. Although the Bears lost the game, the experience was worth every cent.

Work: Work is great. Busy since I started my new job...but great. Every time I get stressed over my work and become frustrated...I look at my bank account and all is well ^_^ It's not a career, but the work is better and I feel useful.

I have more to say...but the World Series is about to begin.

Piece!

Drive

2007-08-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

"...But, they gonna have to take my life before they take my drive
'cause when I was barely living that's what kept me alive..."

Adversity is defined as a state of misfortune or affliction, or it may be used to describe a calamitous event. It is related to the word "adverse" which means negative or contrary.

My life hasn't been easy and I don't expect it to get any easier. I will continue to struggle and earn what I have. I know that I have to work harder, longer, smarter just to simply be on equal footing. I know it's frustrating, but....that's my life.

2007-07-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm still alive...no need to worry. Life is still busy, but things are improving. Or at least the opportunity has risen for chances to position myself to improve both aspects, personal and professional, of my life. But, let's present opinionated points of view:

I understand that under our legal system all individuals are "innocent until proven guilty", and as a Criminal Justice major I agree and subscribe to such a mentality. However, if he, Michael Vick, is guilty of abusing and killing dogs, let him receive no leniency. I have no mercy for individuals who abuse animals, and especially those who abuse animals for financial gain. I say lock him up in isolation inside one of the same cages he kept his fight dogs. Yes, I understand this may constitute cruel and unusual punishment, which would be a violation of the 8th amendment of the Constitution, but if you have read what occurred to those poor dogs...you would agree with me.

Well, that's all I have for now...I actually have more to write, but I need to finish watching the British Open.

Ja mata,

2007-05-21T23:33:00.001-07:00

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.

2007-05-16T00:05:00.000-07:00

"...Damn, I love you but, this is crazy,
I have to fight you almost daily,
We break up so fast, and we,
We make up so passionately,
Why can't we just trust each other?
You can't hate me and be my lover,
Passion ends, and pains begins, I come back
and we're doing it again..."

"Again"
John Legend

2007-05-07T23:11:00.000-07:00

I've been struggling for the past several weeks to identify the problem. Yet, I've been unsuccessful in identifying the origin or continuance of my lack of religious faith. Why am I feeling such a need for a religious belief? Am I being subconsciously terrorized and guilt laden by my Roman Catholic upbringing? Do I fear the rapture? Or do I feel a need for a sense of something greater than myself? What if I'm simply afraid of being wrong all this time? On Judgement Day, how do I explain to God that I lack faith? I have a void in my life; but, do I feel as if religion can will fill that void?

What's wrong with living a non-religious, virtuous life? Is it possible? I think it is. A life filled peace, harmony and respect toward your fellow man, without having to worship to a deity. How about a polytheistic life? Shintoism has always interested me, even before I became twitterpated with the Japanese culture. The more thought I put into this topic, the more animism makes sense to me. I think the harmony of life is important. Perhaps, Paleolithic societies were correct in their beliefs.

...I shall remain Agnostic until I find an answer that satisfies me.

2007-05-04T21:12:00.000-07:00

...Now don't you know you you'll always be
The most beautiful woman I know
So let me reassure you darlin' that
My feelings are truly unconditional

See I'll love you when your hair turns gray
I'll still want you if you gain a little weight
The way I feel for you will always be the same
Just as long as your love don't change, No

I was meant for you and you was meant for me yeah
And I'll make sure that I'll be everything you need
Girl the way we are is how its gonna be
Just as long as your love don't change

Cause I'm not impressed, more or less
By them girls in the T.V and magazines
Cause honestly I believe that your beauty
Is way more than skin deep
Cause everything about you makes me feel
I have the greatest gift in the world
And even when you get on my last nerve
I couldn't see myself being with another girl...

"Don't Change"
Musiq Soulchild

2007-04-22T21:40:00.001-07:00

Song: "Bells of War" - Wu Tang

If you say I have nothing to worry about...then, I have nothing to worry about. Yet, you must believe me when I say we have "dutch-door action" going on. I don't understand your sudden fear of my faithfulness. Perhaps you have some sort of premonition-like powers that are yet to be discovered....if you do have such powers...what are the first six numbers that come to mind? ^_^

But, seriously...you have no worries. Unless, Jessica Alba, Natalie Portman, or Scarlett Johansson want some serious 53xOOr5 (yes, I have 3l33t skills).

Song: "El Chupa Nibre" - Danger Doom

I haven't watched "Chapelle's Show" in a long time. I just bust out the DVD collection. Speaking of which...I no longer have TiVo...therefore, no more "Entourage" for me....bummer. Why? "Sloan" is SMOKING HOT!!! She reminds me of the lead singer for the Pussycat Dolls....mucho caliente!!! But, I digress...."Chapelle's Show"....werd. Well, I'm outta here for today. I'm going to watch a movie, although, I should be reading. I need to become more "cultured"...but that requires work and stuff. I would rather watch a movie or play some Champions League football.

DEUCES!

P.S.

I'm growing my hair out and going for the David Villa look. I agree the Eastern-European look with the headbands looks dumb.

P.S.S.

I'm going to watch some ATHF (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) in case you don't know...their movie is in theaters. Oh, you KNOW I'm there.

2007-04-18T22:40:00.001-07:00

I don't know what you take me as
or understand the intelligence that ---- has
i'm from rag to riches niggas I ain't dumb
I got 99 problems.....and a bitch is one.

2007-04-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

I feel like posting...but, I have nothing to write about. I should be studying right now...but I'd rather surf the web and catch up with my blogger friends. I've been enjoying life and trying to be less analytical and controlling over certain aspects of my life. The harder I try to get a better grip on things, the more I lose control and make the situation worse. I'm trying my best to let things go...and see where they end up. Let's see...what's new??

I should be playing soccer soon. I decided to join a league and play on Sundays.

Decided to grow my hair out. Yeah...let's see how long that lasts. Every time I decide to let my hair grow I get restless and cut it by the third week.

I'm still planning my trip. It should be AWESOME!!! I wish I had more money to do more things with K....but oh well.

And speaking of K....everything is going great. I can't complain. I love her individuality. I think that was part of the initial attraction, but talking to her (although, she's a bit reluctant to express herself) and understanding her mentality...I like her a bit more each day. I waited a long time for someone to enter my life...and she's worth the wait. I enjoy the fact that we understand each other and we share similar perspectives towards life. I think we're good for one another. Although, we fit the stereo type of "Opposites attract"....to a certain extent....the balance is great. If there is too much similarity in a relationship it can become boring. Oh, and the sex is great as well.

Well, I'm going to watch a movie before going to bed.

Piece!

(so much for nothing to post)

2007-04-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

Well, this is my first post on my new computer. I recently bought myself a new laptop, a Macbook to be exact. I'm totally digging my new toy. I'm still adjusting to all the new layout and how things run a bit differently than on a PC. But, change is good and I'm very happy with my purchase. Although, there is one downside. I've been so used to working on PC's that not everything translates over. There is software that I was using on Windows that I can't use on a Mac. But, it was all gratuitous stuff, nothing essential.

Work is good, School is great. I'm still on schedule to "walk" in July. Nervous? Yea...most definitely. I've been going to school so steadily and I've been so focused on my grades, that I forget why I'm studying. I guess the meaning of graduating will hit and sink in on graudation day...I guess.

Everything else is going well. K and I (me, not someone with the initial "I") are doing well. I think were slowly progressing, but progressing nonetheless. At times I feel the disparity in age sets up a minor hurdle and causes minor set backs, but everything...nothng is simple. I feel that I want things to move things along a bit quicker than she, but I must be patient and allow her to take the next step whenever she is ready. It's a good thing we have going.

"Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity."
~Christopher Morley

Nutrition Break

2007-03-13T00:43:00.000-07:00

"She's smelling like Patron
singing dirty rap songs
tip-toeing in the crib
like six in the morning..."

"Trouble"
Jay - Z

This is where you're headed. I don't care to be with a "party girl." Of course, this is simply my opinion, but all the circumstantial evidence points in this direction. At times, I feel as if I'm regressing and not progressing. In addition, I feel as if I'm back in High School with curfews and parents getting upset and dictating behavior. I won't deny the existence of a dichotomy in my decision making, but I must balance reality with desire, ideology versus reality, maturity versus callow....

....

...

...

Now, add the eternal cognitive struggle with myself.

I should get going...I don't want to be late for fifth period.

Piece!

Relapse

2007-03-09T23:21:00.000-08:00

What a terrible day. I honestly don't care to rewind it in my memory. I relapsed today and, besides not being proud of it, I found myself being a bit concerned. I hope I don't destroy all the progress I've made this year. Although, I did feel like regressing to my old coping methods. I'm comfortable in that place. I feel safe and it seems as if I belong there. But, I know nothing good will come of it. It will only feed...

The only time I feel happy is when I'm depressed. It's an odd addiction.
I'm glad I have my little one. She's the only one that can make me smile nowadays. I know she will never leave me. I hope I make her happy as well.

No, I won't let this happen again. I hate feeling/being weak. I can fix this. I WILL fix this. I need to rest and wake up as a different person. I think that would solve my problems. I guess the downfall of having a good memory is also retaining all the bad memories. I can only wish for the my mental tape to brake. It's a gift and a curse.

2007-03-08T23:26:00.001-08:00

"...the times now for her. In time she'll mature
and maybe we can be we again like we were..."

"Lost One" -Jay Z

2007-03-08T00:05:00.000-08:00

I feel as if my free time keeps evaporating. I'm getting busier, well at least socially, by the minute. I keep finding events to fill up my social calendar and it worries me a bit. I hope it doesn't affect my academics. The most important thing to me are my grades. Why? I don't know. I like to think that eventually my future employers will demand transcripts of my college classwork. I want to be able to stand tall and be proud of my achievements. Also, I think good grades are PARTIALLY a sign of an individuals intellegence.

But, I digress...

I'm helping plan a party, a '90's party which is occuring in the following weeks. At this moment, I'm responsible for providing the music. I'm listening to the playlist as I write this...example of a jam: Snoop Doggy Dogg -Ain't no fun (If the homies can't have none). I had to search my musical library and I even downloaded music, from the internet, which I felt was relevant/missing and detremental. I had to research a few songs which I wasn't sure whether or not they were 90's tunes. Anywho's...they might get a DJ...but, as of now, I'm providing the songs. I have a good playlist going. How good is it? Well, it's like my homegrill Borat would nice....niiiiice.

Song: The Pharcyde "Passing me by"
(I think this song could be my anthem)

In addition, I'm planning a trip to Magic Mountain with my coworkers. In case you're wondering what Magic Mountain is...technically it's called Six Flags: Magic Mountain. We have spring break coming up and we plan on minimizing the staff at the office for one day. It was my idea and therefore, I'm in charge of coordinating the whole thing. I'm looking into renting a van to transportation. Yea, it would be a "party van." It should be a good time. Although, I have to figure out a way to purchase tickets at a discounted rate. I think I'm going to ask the girl who's in the Army to purchase tickets on base. I know they get a discount. Yea, good thinking *pat on the back*

Song: Wrecks-N-Effect "Rump Shaker"

In other news: The move went well. I ordered new "artwork" for my walls. I ordered the famous Japenese painting "Beneath the Great Wave of Kanagawa" by Hokusai, Katsushika. I want to give my new place an oriental feel...but not too much. I also bought a new bamboo plant (which Chihiro keeps eating) and new lamps. The lamps are that crumbled paper looking thing you see in chinese restaurants. Enough to give the room the right feeling, but not oversaturated. In addition, I ordered a "V for Vendetta" poster. Yea, I had to do it. I think that movie is amazing.

Song: Da Brat "Funkdafied"

I saw that cute girl at Evil Empire™ (Yea, I trademarked that name) again. And, I managed to talk to her. Yea, I said "I'll have a medium coffee please" Smooth huh? Yea, that's the extent of our conversations. She's always pleasant and smiling ear to ear. But, I'm sure that's as far as it will go.

Song: Naughty by Nature "O.P.P"

Wow, I think this has been one of the longest post in a long time.

"Now there she goes again, the dopest ethiopian
And now the world around me be gets movin in slow motion
When-ever she happens to walk by - why does the apple of my eye
Overlook and disregard my feelings no matter how much I try?
Wait, no, I did not really pursue my little princess with persistance;
And I was so low-key that she was unaware of my existance
From a distance I desired, secretly admired her;
Wired her a letter to get her, and it went:
My dear, my dear, my dear, you do not know me but I know you very well
Now let me tell you about the feelings I have for you
When I try, or make some sort of attempt, I symp
Damn I wish I wasnt such a wimp!
cause then I would let you know that I love you so
And if I was your man then I would be true
The only lying I would do is in the bed with you
Then I signed sincerely the one who loves you dearly, ps love me tender
The letter came back three days later: return to sender
Damn!"

The Pharcyde "Passing me by"

Plan B

2007-03-05T23:35:00.000-08:00

What to do with a change of heart.

I guess it comes down to the strength of the conviction. I don't know. I can only speculate. But, I do know that I will not deal with an emotional roller coaster. Been there, done that. Not fun at all.

Yet, how serious are you? I gave you a chance to make amends. Yet, you decided on option 'A'. I understand your priorities. You failed the test. I don't even think you were aware of the exam.

One day you will realize that you made a critical mistake. Do you even realize how special I am? Do you realize what type of miracle it is that I even exist? It's true. I am truly "one of a kind" in this day and age. I'm a dying breed. I still believe in chivalry. In my 'heart of hearts'...I'm a hopeless romantic. I make breakfast in bed. I write notes, letting you know that I'm thinking of you, and hide them in your coat pocket. I let you choose the radio stations when we drive. I massage your feet after work. And, I let you have the last slice of pizza.

Yet, you toss me away. You will never get to know the real me.

The search continues.
What am I looking for? I think my man Jay Z stated my philosophy best, when he said:

"...they said a 'G' don't give a bitch no keys or security codes
I agree.
My lady ain't no bitch
she gets whatever I own
So, when you see her, understand that ME nigga
understand I'm the same 'ol 'G' nigga
I understand the difference between a bitch and a 'B'...
nigga."

Good bye, B.

2007-02-27T23:40:00.000-08:00

It's funny how much power words can have. They have the ability to lift spirits or to crush them. Yet, through all the vowels, consonants, nouns, verbs, and adjectives the power of word is subjective. A word is simply a word. Example: If someone called me a rectal cavity (which is hilarious and it happened once) I could care less. But, if another individual became offended, NOW the word has meaning and power. It's all subjective.

"...so we ain't we
it's me and her
'cause what she prefers over me is ----
and that's where we differ
so I have to give her free time even if it hurts..."

"Lost One"
Jay - Z

2007-02-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

"Wrecks Gross-man"....I hate to admit it....We can't win with him as our quarterback. Even though, I defended him all year, his Superbowl performance was hideous. I hope he can play better next year. He has alot of potential, but he's very inconsistent. I won't be surprised if "DA BEARS" draft another quarterback late in the draft.

E = stalker.

No, that's not an opinion. It's a fact. She calls me last night (10:15 pm) offering me some comfort and condolences (because my Bears lost). She asks me if I need a hug and I tell her no thank you. I let her know that I got plenty from the girls at work. At this point she says "Well, I guess I will leave then." I'm thinking...leave?? Where are you now? So, I ask her..."Where are you"? She replies, "I'm outside" I creep to my window and there's her car. WOW! She asks me if I'm sure that I don't need a hug...and I calmly reply "Yes, I'm sure." I see her car drive away and she sounds a bit disappointed. The story doesn't end there. I get a call 6 hours later (4:00 am) and it's E...she leaves me a message telling that if I ever have a question about ANYTHING, I should feel free to call her. She's always there to listen and can offer good advice.

Yea, um, at this point I'm thinking....HELLO?!?!? Weirdo. Yea, I'm going to have to terminate all contact at once. Good thing we never dated. Imagine how she would act if we DID and we broke up? WOW.

"...I'm young enough to know the right car to buy
Yet, grown enough not to put rims on it...

...I don't got the bright watch
I got the RIGHT watch
I don't buy out the bar
I bought the nightspot..."

30 IS the new 20

IM OUT!

Artist: Jay - Z
Song: 30 Something

2007-02-01T10:29:00.000-08:00

Well, what to discuss first....

Moving in a month. Where? Not sure...but I will manage.

I have alot bouncing around inside my head right now:

K...she's still around. Attempting to convince me to continue dating her. But, I'm the type of person that only moves forward. It took some life lessons to learn that. Nonetheless, full speed ahead.

E...we went out on Friday. Well, it was more of a hang out with a few of my friends and I invited her along because I didn't want to be the third wheel. I enjoy our conversations and she's pretty smart. I like that. But....of course there's a but....she's disqualified for being allergic to cats.

Not bad eh? zero dates in 2 1/2 years....and in '07 I've had two in the past month. I told you guys it was going to be a good year.

I'm still on course to graduate this July. In November I shall begin graduate school. I'm ready for all of this schooling to be gone and get myself a real job...and only worry about a job. School + work = STRESS

I'm feeling WAAAAAAAAAAY confident. I don't feel as depressed as I used to be...but it could simply be a phase. The potential remains for a relaspe. But, I must keep myself occupied and keep moving forward. Nothing holding me back from my goals. NOTHING!

Although....I would like to date J. or C....yea, I think C would be my first choice....but I don't see her anymore. Except for that night in the bar a few weeks ago. I think I'm in pre-season mode right now. I'm dating a few girls in order to get me ready for the pros. Well, right now I don't have my eye set on anyone in particular. Only because I haven't seen C in a long time. But, I would say....J is a good candidate. Now, I simply need to get past the....hello-goodbye part of our conversations.

Superbow XLI in a few days. No one is giving my Bears a shot. It's fine by me. We were suppose to lose against the Saints. I have confidence in my team. The coaching staff will put together a good game plan.

Saturday...final for my class. I need to continue reading to ensure I absorb all the important information.

Once, I move...I'm going to change ALOT of my habits. Expect more blogging..

IM OUT!

2007-01-21T21:26:00.000-08:00

I don't know what I'm doing. I decided to end things with K. I had a few concerns...I didn't feel like dealing with those issues. I'm beggining to realize that I miss her a bit. But, in the end I know it was the correct decision. It was the correct decision for the both of us, not just for me.

......
Yes, I'm sure I made the right decision.
......
Well, probably because I know how lonely my life will be once again.
......
Yes, I know I said this was going to be a great year. And, thus far its been that way.
......
I'm second guessing myself because I enjoyed her company and being lonely sucks ass.
......
I don't know.
......
No, I won't let myself become that way once again.

In other news....my Bears are Superbowl bound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GO BEARS!!!!!

...that is all.

2007-01-16T10:25:00.000-08:00

"...love hurts sometimes when you do it right..."

"Save room"
-John Legend

Why is it that I want what I cannot have? I'm currently in the midst of beggining a relationship...yet, I think about you. How terrible am I? It's always the ones I know nothing aboot. But, on the positive side...we have something in common: We're both Chicago Bears fans. I hope to see you again next week...

..speaking of next week...

One more win and my Bears are in the Superbowl. C'mon...don't let me down.

"Bear Down, Chicago Bears
Make every play, clear the way to victory!

Bear Down, Chicago Bears
Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly!

We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation
With your T-formation

Bear Down, Chicago Bears
And let them know why you're wearing the crown!

You're the pride and joy of Illinois,
Chicago Bears, Bear Down!!"

2006-12-18T00:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

This is a preemptive "thanks for nothing." I've been asking you for the same thing for the past five years. And, for the past five years, you've disappointed me. I have a feeling this will make it six years in a row. Now, I understand you have billions of requests each year. I understand how hectic things can be for you during this time. But, don't you have all those midgets to help you? Perhaps you need to conduct some internal departmental reconstructing. Maybe, firing a few of them will send a message to those dwarfs who have become complacent. I don't know. I think you should hire Tony Robbins to motivate them. But, I digress...

I've only asked for one thing this entire time and you've failed every year. I simply want to be happy once again. I no longer remember the feeling. I want the "old me" back. I don't know where he went. I'm trying to recall examples of how I used to be happy...but I don't remember any. It's been such a long time. I don't know how to do it. I simply want to wake up happy and go to bed happy. I want to be smiling for no reason. I want to laugh and be the prankster/smart ass/goofball I once was. All I want for Christmas is happiness. I really would appreciate any help you can provide.

~Kohaku

P.S
I'm sorry I yelled at you at the mall last week. But, you really shouldn't be hiding around corners smoking. It sets a bad example for the kids.

2006-12-11T08:21:00.000-08:00

Well, today is Monday...and I look forward to "our" ten seconds. One day I will build up the courage to talk to you. Until then...

"...I can't believe it, I 'aint had a crush in years."

Artist: LL Cool J
Song: Hey Lover

Pondering on contemplation

2006-12-10T23:05:00.000-08:00

I'm still trying to retrieve the pieces and mend. I've been trying for years and I don't think I've made any progress. Well, I've managed to reconstruct the outline. Yet, the foundation is unstable and the inside is hollow. I'm still picking up the pieces. I'm trying to orient myself and make sense of it all. And, now you've come along. You're asking me, indirectly, to take a risk...again. I'm sure you've noticed my reluctance, hesitation and reserved nature. I'm not sure I'm completely ready. I'm attempting to decipher my feeling and thoughts. I feel as if I'm betraying myself by breaking my own rules. Am I forcing myself? Am I desperate? Am I serious? Or, am I using you as a platform to climb out of my rut? Yet, the time I've spent with you...you are changing my opinion of you. It simply adds to the confusion. The feeling is great, but is it genuine? I don't think it is. I'm holding back because I'm unsure how to feel about you. It's also unfair to you. I don't know your level of commitment or your intended level of commitment, but I'm sure you have a better idea than I do.

It's unfair to you. We have to suspend this until I've figured it all out.
How long will that take? Unknown.

2 1/2 years between dates
2 1/2 years between affectionate contact (non-family)
2 1/2 years between holding hands with a member of the opposite sex (affectionately)
A kiss? Well, the clock continues to tick on that meter...2 1/2 years and counting...

I'm such a loser.

Restrictions

2006-12-05T23:31:00.000-08:00

Well, I've managed to place restrictions upon myself:

(1) No unnecessary tele viewing.
(2) No....well, very minimal video game playing ^_^
(3) ....not sure on the third one yet.

I do know for sure...that I'm not sure.

(entry deleted)

Hokay...let's try this again. I don't know how to feel about you. Am I interested? /shrug. Am I beginning to like you ONLY because you like me? I don't know. If this is true...then it's not fair (stupid conscious). But, then again i'm not really giving you a fair chance. All I see are the aggravating factors...I'm sure there are some mitigating factors that I fail to notice. Maybe, I'm being a complete maroon and closing the door to you because all I see are the negative aspects or possibility for negative things down the line (Damn, I feel like Will Hunting). What's the harm in dating you? Do you reflect me? This is extremely important. And at this moment, I would have to say "No," you don't. Henceforth, if you don't challenge or intrigue me mentally I'm not completely interested. It would be a waste of our time.

Yet, I continue to play the game.

Excuse me miss...

2006-11-21T23:45:00.000-08:00

.."I don't know your name, but excuse me miss
I saw you from across the room
and I got admit that you got my attention..."

"Yo (Excuse me miss)"
-Chris Brown

Smart, cute girls are my Achilles heel. And you definitely fit the description. We've had small discussions before, but nothing significant. "Stop and Chat" would best define our conversations. I must say my favorite time thus far has been the chat in the hallway. You showed your comedic/goofy/creative side and damn you smelled great. It made my entire day. Actually, I look forward to the 5 seconds that I get to see you. The bad part is that it only happens twice a week. 10 seconds a week is not enough of you. And, sometimes I miss it...(Grrrrr). You have no idea how you brighten my day. I wonder if you ever will.

I don't even know your name.

2006-11-21T00:03:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to realize that I should surrender. I'm still addicted to you.
I'm waving the white flag.
Nothing else is going on.
Life still sucks and it's a daily struggle to stay positive.
The only reason I like this Timberlake song is because of the video. The girl at the end of the video, with the lenghty white tank top and black hat ...reminds me ALOT of you.

Artist: Justin Timberlake
Song: My Love - T.I., Justin Timberlake

2006-11-18T12:36:00.000-08:00

(2) Michigan V. (1) Ohio State

The game is about to start. GO BLUE!!!

Mental Fortitude

2006-11-14T23:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I got denied the promotion. What else is new? It's the story of my life. But, I'm not going to drown in a glass of water. It's their loss...no, seriously it really is their loss. I'm simply going to utilize this as my opportunity to apply for internships. I'm still positive and I'm going to make the most of the situation. I'm determined, motivated and I have my eyes on the prize. I'm thinking loooooong term.

I finally found what I need from a music site. I hope everyone enjoys my selections. If not...piss off!

Post Script:
(In case any of you maroons where wondering, "Hey what does P.S. stand for?")
Borat: Cultural Learnings of....blah, blah, blah, blah....HILARIOUS movie. Go check it out. Although some scenes are just wrong, overall the movie is niiiice.

Artist: Cat Power
Song: The Greatest

2006-11-08T09:42:00.001-08:00

Another year comes and goes...nothing changes. I don't understand why people make a big deal out of getting older. There is nothing you can do about it. Except dying...that's the only way you won't age. So, why worry about something you have no control over? I think its idiotic.

I've started my third week of being coffee and caffeine free. It's been an interesting three weeks. The headaches have subsided. I haven't craved any coffee in the past week. Although, I have made a strong conscious effort to avoid all coffee shops. I'm thinking of drinking decaffeinated from now on. I thought about having coffee yesterday...but the idea didn't sound good to me. But, the thought of an iced coffee made my mouth water. Hmmmmmm...cold coffee. /drool

I wonder what the new year will bring. I'm being extremely optimistic. 2007...'07...my favorite number. Lucky 7. It will be a good year. I'm going to graduate in June...and in November, I begin graduate school.

I tentatively have the promotion at work. Tentatively? Well, apparently I have to wait to clear HR. I guess they have to make sure I have ALL of the proper qualifications. I spent the past two weeks interviewing everyone but the damn janitor for this position. I was offered the position by the head of the department...but according to HR it's not an official offer until I "pass" their qualification process. Whatever. "I'm happy for you, but I'm sad for me" thats what T said...funny girl.

Artist: Jay-Z
Song: Show me what you got

Birthday Eve (Again)

2006-11-06T23:27:00.000-08:00

I just realized I don't write as often as I used to. Time? Effort? Subject? Thoughts? Pride? Privacy?

/shrug

Well, another Birthday Eve is here. Yes, I'm attempting to make it an official day. But, so far, I've met minimal success with the idea. A Birthday Eve is a pre-quel to the actual day (Duh!). Therefore, they should buy you small gifts such as a cup of coffee, a meal at your favorite restaurant, pastries, or an expensive condiment. All in preparation of the big day. It's an idea still in its infancy. It shall be big one day. Similar to Tomorrow-day. I figure why not? We have today, yesterday...the only natural and logical thing is tomorrow-day. Don't forget, you heard it here first. I demand all the credit.

What do I desire for my Birthday? Happiness, Companionship, Wisdom, Knowledge, and a Ba-jillion dollars.

Happy Early Birthday Grandma ^_^

Song-
Anthony Hamilton - "Comin' From Where I'm From"

2006-10-22T22:55:00.000-07:00

I know it's a mental problem.

Well, not really a problem but a mental handicap or maybe a mental block. I talk to people all day, everyday. I talk to "birds" all the time with no problem. Whether it's in class or if they're simply walking past. But, once I decide that I'm interested in a particular girl...my mind shuts down. I don't even dare to blurt a simple hello. I've been trying to figure out the cause of this problem. Perhaps, its because I'm afraid of sounding stupid. Or, that she will notice how nervous I am. Or, I will have a booger sticking out of my nose. I don't know. I understand how idiodic this all seems, but I can't help it.

Poor self-esteem + Bad self-image + Bad hair = me

Song-
Musiq - "Infatueighties"

Ramblings No.1

2006-10-20T22:53:00.000-07:00

Current song: Lil' Jon -"What you gonna do"

I'm getting my crunk on.

Yea, so I've been Myspacing it up lately. Acutally, I don't get it. It simply amounts to a public email account with pictures. I think its retarded.

I paid off (2) of my credit cards today. YEA! WHAT? OKAY!

Dating is hard. I'm ready to toss in the towel. "No Streak" continues at 14...or was she number 15 in a row?

I guess the upside of my coldstreak is that I'm getting better at FIFA 07 online.

Current Song: The Game - "Put you on the game"

Am I ever gonna finish school? 9 more classes until graduation. Afterwards, Grad School...12 more classes..../sigh

No word yet on the possible promotion at work.

I need to turn in my paperwork for my intership at NCIS.

Current Song: Freeway F/ Jay-Z & Beanie Siegel - "What we do (Dirty)"

I would like to ask the cute girl from school out....but I'm afraid she will be No. 16. Why ruin a good thing? I shall continue to admire and desire from afar.

...nah, that's a post all by itself.

I have a feeling '07 will be a good year. Why not...it's my favorite numba.

I stopped going to the gym...again. But, it's only been two weeks. I should be able to get back into it easily. Werd.

Bedtime.

Song- Talib Kweli - "Listen"

Show me what you got

2006-10-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

Jay-Z coming back..."Show me what you got" is the new single. The record is supposed to hit stores in November.

Chicago Bears are 5 -0; I'm glad Rex Grossman is playing well. The defense is amazing. No, they're better than amazing. Whats better than amazing? Well, whatever it is...they're beyond that. Don't be surprised to see Chicago playing in February.

San Diego Padres are playing for playoff survival tonight. I hope we can force a game 5 back home in San Diego. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Michigan Wolverines are still dominating. Currently ranked #4 in the nation. Once again, don't be suprised to see them playing for a championship in January.

Everything else is awesome. School is coming along and my job...well, there's an opportunity for a promotion. It all depends on wether or not the person currently holding the position gets hired for a different location.

Keep it gangsta y'all, keep it gangsta!

2006-09-18T00:07:00.000-07:00

"...was it something I said to make you turn away
to make you walk out and leave me cold.
If I could just find a way
to make it so that you were right here,
right now.
I been sitting here
can't get you off mind
I'm trying my best to be a man and be strong
I drove myself insane wishing I could touch your face
but the truth remains you're...
gone."

Fantasy

2006-09-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

My fantasy job...would be defensive coordinator for the Chicago Bears. I would even settle for an assistant position...only on the defensive side of the ball. I can't think of any other occupation I would prefer to do. I wouldn't care to be a doctor or a lawyer or an athlete...but come to think of it.

I've decided that in my next lifetime I will return as a footballer in Europe. Perhaps at the same popularity as Beckham but with acutal playing talent. A hybrid of Ronaldinho and Beckham. But, with Beckham's looks. I wouldn't marry or date some 35 kg stick woman. Definately not attractive. I would search for a regular chick who has common sense, a moral compass and a good head on her shoulders. I would give more credit to her personality than her looks. I wouldn't say no to dating a celebrity but she would have to be someone who is not a complete tool.

...and finally, I have filled the last spot on my hot chicks list. I decided, after much self argument and counter-argument, to add Jessica Alba. I've always thought she was hot, very hot. But, her attitude was a bit shitty. But, then I realized that she's not really a ballbuster she simply knows what she wants. I like a strong personality. Also, she stays out of any negative press. And did I mention she was hot?

...that is all.

2006-09-11T07:45:00.000-07:00

9.11.01

"...A date that will live in infamy..."

Shhhhhhh...

2006-09-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

Hey, Green Bay! Shhhhh....

HA! I love it!
Chicago- 26
Green Bay - 0
@ Lambeau Field

IN YO FACE!! This picture says alot. It's Bernard Berrian telling the Packer Fans in Green Bay what to do after scoring his touchdown. Third straight win over Green Bay and first shutout out Brett Favre's career. The tide has turned and now it's Green Bay's turn to suffer.

2006-08-29T00:20:00.000-07:00

Well, here we go again...

About a week ago, I was talking to my homegrill, Carina, when somehow our conversation veered towards my lack of a relationship. "Well, what do you think you're doing wrong?" she said.

Well, duh!

I laughed at first (only because the answer is so obvious) but, if I knew what I was doing wrong...I would stop doing it. Well, not really...What if...on some Freudian sub-level of consciousness I derive pleasure from the desire to have a relationship. As if, I'm in love...with love. Or, I'm in love with the idea of a relationship...but I've not the desire to actively seek one. I think I might be developing a detachment disorder. I'm having trouble forming new friendships...and of course romantic relationships. I've managed to make a coupe of new friends...but I tend to shove them aside when I sense things are getting to personal. I guess I enjoy my friends to remain superficial.

...off topic...

...Why are cute girls afraid to show their intelligence? Nothing pissess me off more than a cute girl who acts like a total potzer. It's a complete dissapointment and a turn-off. I'm totally attracted to smart girls. I want an intellectual challenge in my relationship. I want to be able to have a productive, insightful, thought-provoking, educational conversations (I sound like a total chick right now). Also, she must shag well. Perhaps I'm asking too much...am I?

But, I digress...superficial friends are the best.

Song-
"Hey Jude"
The Beatles

Byaaaaaaa!

2006-08-27T09:47:00.000-07:00

Well, football season is just around the corner (Go Bears!!). Yet, I'm not really excited about it. I should be, but I'm not. However, I am excited about the season in Europe beginning. How odd is that? I care more about the EPL (English Premiership League) and La Liga and the excitement of the Champions League...than football and baseball combined. I'm watching Chelsea v. Blackburn right now.

The Little League World Series Championship game is today. I watched Mexico and Japan battle in the Int'l championship...and I simply laughed at how many times, in different sports, these two countries face one another. And, how I feel like a traitor when I root for one and not the other. In the end, Japan beat Mexico 3 - 0 and they will face the American Champion today for the World Championship. Ike! Ike! Nippon!

I got an invitation from my Aussie mate at work to go and watch the Australian Football Rules Championship coming up. Now, I've never seen an Australian Football game, but from his description...it sounds INSANE! "A bunch of blokes running around smashing each other. But, it's not rubbish like these Americans with all their pads."

I've started watching "Entourage" lately and I think it's a great show. Ari Gold is the man.

...that is all.

Erlking

2006-08-20T22:11:00.000-07:00

A narrative ballad by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, relating the legend of the mythical Erlking who lured children to their destruction in his dark habitat deep in the forest. As a father rides through the night on horseback with his frightened child in his arms, only the child hears the seductive calls of the wicked Erlking.

(Narrator)
Who rides so late
through night and wind?
It is a father and his child.
He has the boy in his arms,
he holds him close, he keeps him warm.

(Father)
My son, why do you fearfully
hide your face?

(Son)
Don't you see, Father, the Erlking?
The Erlking, with crown and train?

(Father)
My son, it's a streak of mist.

(Erlking)
You lovely child, come, go with me!
Beautiful games I'll play with you.
Many colored flowers are on the shore.
My mother has many golden robes.

(Son)
My Father, my father,
don't you hear
What the Erlking softly promises?

(Father)
Be quiet, remain quiet, my child.
In withered leaves rustles the wind.

(Erlking)
Don't you want to come with me, you fine
boy?
My daughters will server you well.
My daughters lead the nightly dancing.
And they rock you and dance
and sing to you.

(Son)
My Father, my father,
and don't you see over there
the Erlking's daughters in that place?

(Father)
My son, my son, I see it clearly
It's the shinning of old gray willows.

(Erlking)
I love you,
you have a beautiful form.
And if you are not willing,
I will have to use force.

(Son)
My Father, my father,
now he has taken hold of me.
The Erlking has done me harm!

(Narrator)
The father shudders, he rides very fast.
He holds in his arms the sobbing child.
He reaches the courtyard in anguish.
In his arms, the child was dead.

I heard this piece of music the other night...and it gave me the chills. Of course, listening to the piano and hearing it in it's original language (German) made it better. Especially the dramactic way the singer held the pause before "dead." It was really good. I need to attend more shows. I plan on going back for the Piano Concerto in November (remember, remember....). It even motivated me to start playing/practicing the piano once again.

...that is all.

2006-08-10T22:26:00.000-07:00

"i would rather be alone then be with someone and feel alone...
...i really have no desire to blog
i really dont have a desire to date
right now it seems like to much work
everyone ends up heart broken anyways"
-Joy

Werd!

I couldn't have written it better myself. I'll blog tomorrow once I've gathered my thoughts.

Piece!

ECT

2006-08-06T23:10:00.000-07:00

I'm extremely frustrated and I can't figure out how to solve this problem. Using "Hakim's razor," the answer becomes clear: People are lying to me. Or maybe I'm the moron for believing them in the first place. At times I lack confidence in my own problem solving skills. Therefore, I ask others for help or for their opinion. But, I've learned that my instincs serve me well and I'm usually correct. I'm a man of decent intellect, but this is something which has me very perplexed. Perhaps, I should be an asshole...it seems to work for others. Yet, it works for them because they have looks. I'm fall a bit short in that category. I'm almost ready to give up for good. I don't know why I keep going.

I seriously need E.C.T

"This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vangquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.

The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."

2006-07-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

"...Very cute, well dressed, carries himself well, and I can't help but to smile whenever I see him..."

This is her opinion of me. M, in her attempt to "hook me up," found out what her cute friend thought of me. I guess it good, right? It would seem that If I wanted to ask her out, she would probably say yes. But, and of course there's a "but," she already has a boyfriend.

Ah, just my luck. It's the story of my life. I know, somebody is trying to tell me something. Oh well, what can I do? Nothing. Keep my focus on my studies and forget everything else.

Against my better judgment...actually more of a reward to myself...I decided to go and watch "Clerks II." I must say I was totally, pleasently surprised. I'm glad I went to see this movie. I enjoyed it. It totally changed my opinion on Rosario Dawson. Now, I think she's a totally down ass chick. I totally dig her character, "Becky," in the movie. Yea, I know it's simply a character, but she was cool enough to agree to play that characater, and that gives her points in my book. But, I digress...the movie is worth the price of admission. Go check it out!

Last but not least...

Aug 1st.
V for Vendetta on DVD....I'm so there!

2006-07-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

The way I see it...my future girlfiend is a representation of me. She reflects and represents me whenever I'm not around. When you see her, you see me. Disrespect her and well, you get the idea. I guess this is the reason why I'm so picky. I'm very picky, but I'm this way towards style and personality. Looks of the individual are negotionable. Acutally, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Perhaps, I'm telling myself this in order to feel better. I was turned down again...for the...I don't know...12th? 13th? time in a row? I don't know...its somewhere in there. How much of a loser am I if I can't even get a girl to have some coffee with me? Let alone convince them to be my girl? I think that's pretty sad.

I'm not having a good day...and its not going to get any better. A friend at work wants to introduce me to one of her classmates, which ithrough casual conversation I mentioned was cute. I hope she doesn't do it. It would be extremely odd. It would only add to my loser status. I need help from others to convince a girls to go out with me. How fucking sad is that? I haven't mentioned it since. I really hope she forgot the whole conversation.

Perhaps I'm just going through one of my loser phases. I'm so ready for this life to be over. I hope it flips a bitch in the next three years, otherwise its going to be a loooooooooong, lonely life.

Forza Italia

2006-07-09T22:03:00.000-07:00

Italia! Italia! Italia!

I'm really glad Italy won the world cup. I see it as revenge for the quater final match in '98. I went to little Italy to watch the game and the place was b-a-n-a-n-a-s before the game. I can only image how things were in Rome. It's one of my lifetime goals to attend the World Cup. Not necessarily have tickets to the game, but simply be in the host country. I'm a bit sad now though, I have to wait another four years.

Mexico in 2010!!!!!!

I'm out!

Lesson learned?

2006-06-25T08:56:00.000-07:00

I became a sports fan around '87 or 88. Ever since, no team of mine (Bears and Padres) has won a major championship of any kind. At the start of every season I'm extremely optomistic and I truly believe that my team has a chance of "winning it all." We may have a good season, but we are a dissapointment in the playoffs. Or in this case, the World Cup. Mexico did it....again. I knew they didn't stand much of a chance against a powerhouse such as Argentina, yet I believed. I believed we can give them a good challenged and we did. I watched an excellent game. Mexico and Argentina were very well matched on the pitch. And as they game progressed, I truly began to believe Mexico was capable of winning. But, during extra-time, Argentina won with a miraculous goal. And, once again I was dissapointed and a bit heart broken. I don't know why I care so much about a country which I've decided to "abandon." Yet, I die every four years. I die everytime Mexico gets my hopes up, only to lose in the second round of the World Cup. It has been this way ever since I began to watch the tournament in 1994. Now, I must wait until 2010 to support my team once again. I will continue to watch the World Cup, but it won't feel the same.

/change of topic

Well, T believes that I sould be dating J. And, she wants to play matchmaker. She thinks "you two have so much in common, and she's your type." I must admit I had an eye on her before T made her comments, and I partially agree with her. And, the more I get to know J, I have to agree that we do have quite a few things in common. Also, the more I talk to J the more I seem to be attracted to her. J is the type of person who at first glance, is indeed cute, but the more you get to know her personality she seems more attractive. The only problem is that we work together and I don't care to make things uncomfortable at work if things go wrong.

Also, during the past two and a half relationship years, I've become accustomed to living an independent life. I've adjusted my mentally and grown accustomed to the idea of living this way for the remainder of my years. I've given up on the foolish idea of love and relationships. I've learned that I'm simply setting myself up for dissapointment. I don't even care to try anymore. I've been accussed of being a "fag" for not being more of a womanizer or "checking girls out" ever waking second of the day. Well, yes, I don't do this as much as the next guy, but that's because I don't see the point. I fail to see the point in flirting or checking girls out, with whom I don't stand a chance. Others will disagree and tell me that "she seems interested," but I simply brush it away and find some sort of excuse for her actions that don't involve her possible interest in me.

But, then I wonder how much of my life am I wasting away with this type of thinking? What if I wake one day when I'm 50, old and alone, and hate myself for being this stupid? What if I look back at all the chances I should have taken? And hate myself not taking them?

...that is all.

Germany '06

2006-06-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

The World Cup begins today and you better believe I'll be watching.
Here are my predictions:

1. England
2. Spain
3. Brasil
4. Holland

Mexico will dissapoint once again. Oh well, I have the next three days off. It's a bit weird being this exicted about the World Cup and no one to share it with. Yea, well kick off is 45 minutes away...

...that is all.

Happy 6.6.06

2006-06-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

I really don't see the objection to teaching this in all public schools. I don't it would help prevent alot of domestic violence.

I don't have much update worthy at this time. I just wanted to blog on today's date. I guess the world will end today at midnight. But you know...whenever I hear dumb shit like that it makes me think. If the world is going to end tonight....is that Eastern Standard Time or Pacific Standard Time? Also, what about people who live in Australia or Japan, they're already on the next day and the world didn't end for them. Oh yea, one last thing...I wonder how many boys born today will be named Damien.

Okay, im off to the gym.

...that is all.

Movie time

2006-05-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can't make a sequel to a classic. It's like making a sequel to...Donnie Darko, or Pulp Fiction.

Clerks II

This one looks promising.

Goal

Otherwise, there's nothing I want to see. I guess I can just go through my DVD library. I think I'll watch...'Contact'...such a good movie.

Cliff notes for your mom

2006-05-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

I was chopping it up with R today...and she's single once again...very nice.

My current GPA is 3.35, which is good but not great. My goal is to move it up to 3.8 and above. Do you see my problem? I know people who would be happy with a GPA such as mine, but not me. And that is what seperates me from the rest, I have higher goals, standards, and demands of myself.

I'm trying to grow my hair out...but damn, having this much hair bugs me. I want to get a haircut, but I'm gonna stick it out (hahaha, I said 'stick it out' that's kinda perverted).

I was a Myspace whore today. I was really bored at work....so I searched for old friends. I refuse to be a trend whore. Although, I've managed to become a TV whore. I'm addicted to watching Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, Boondocks, Perfect Hair Forever, and Futbol (or soccer for you uncool people).

World Cup is next month. I'm sooooooooo ready. I even bought the game. FIFA Road to the World Cup. Although, I can't get past the semi-finals....grrrrrr. Nonetheless, its fun.

I need to get my fatass to the gym.

...that is all.

2006-05-04T13:41:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I take life too serious. Well, not just right now...but a few minutes ago. I try to be professional and "act my age" all the time. But, I'm afraid that if I "act like myself" I won't be taken serious or people will misjudge me..

Do I really care?

I do take things FAR too serious. Yea, I'm professional at work...but I think I'm too professional. I don't display enough of my personality....well, my goofy/random/weird personality. My boss knows I'm doing a good job. He's told me that he's received numberous compliments on the work that I do. I guess now I can relax abit and be me.

How did I come to this conclusion. I found you once again. Yea, I was on Myspace.com...which means I'm hella bored so I searched and found you. Simply seeing your picture and your smile once again made me happy. It was then I realized...WTF??!!!?? I'm such a bore/loser/L7...so from now on...I shall be more lax...overall and enjoy life and me.

Bork, Bork, Bork, Bork...

2006-04-25T20:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what that means. I guess "Swedish Chef" was hitting the pipe...or something. I know its gibberish (much like my term paper) but it was funny (...much like my term paper) (insert laugh track). Anywho, taking a small break from my research paper. I'm almost done. I spent most of my day conducting research....man does that suck. Anywho, I made a new Nihonjin friend today. It's always nice to meet new people. Well, I should return to my paper. I always get off track...damn intraweb, I hate you.

I thought these links were hella funny. Enjoy and imitate (if/when possible).

The answer is HELLS YEA!

Shut Up Bitch!

...that is all.

Nani o kangaiteru?

2006-04-24T00:19:00.000-07:00

I wonder...If I had tried harder, would things have turned out differently? Would you have chosen me? Or were you merely testing me in order to figure out my commitment level in our pseudo relationship. Were you ever serious about us? I was completely committed; while you merely played around. To me, it was real and I envisioned us building a future. But, to you it was a joke. Yea, I recall you asking me, on several occassions, if I knew how you felt about me. I thought we were both on the same sheet of music. I thought you loved me as I loved you. We were building a life together; if only in our mind and dreams.

We agreed on the location to purchase a house (Oregon). We even viewed them on the internet. We agreed on private schools for our children, and their names (Madeline, Samuel and Kohaku). We agreed that you should be a stay-at-home mom. I had hoped to wear sweaters which you knitte and clothing that you made (I still have the scarf you crocheted for me). I wanted YOU to be the mother of my children. I couldn't think of a better person. We even agreed on which languages they should speak (Nihongo, Eigo, to Supeingo). In my mind, I was living that life and that's why I hurt so much.

I understand it was a complicated situation, but I thought we had a good...no, an amazing connection. I still can't believe how well we complimented each other. I was attracted to you physically, but it was your mind which made you mesmerizing. I was enchanted by your spell. I mean...you were a mental challenge to me. I loved that about you. I thought I was witty and quick with the comebacks...but, in you I found my match. I loved your wit, creativity, intelligence and randomness.

At times, I get mad at you. And, why not? I have every right to be upset, pissed and to possess extreme prejudice and anger towards you. But, I can't bring myself to hate you; and that's the problem. I don't know how to hate you. Why were you afraid to love me? At times, I still reminisce on your smile and the smell of your perfume...although, everyday I must dig abit deeper to recall you. You're slowing fading away from me.

Song
"Piece of my heart" -Janis Joplin

2006-04-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-a-vis an introduction , and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me...

V

2006-04-21T19:08:00.000-07:00

The party is getting better. The food and wine look inviting. I'm trapped at a social event...I hate people, but I love gatherings...go figure. I enjoy people watching. I wonder various things about crowds:

Why guys still insist on wearing pleats??

How many people here are simply present for the free food and drinks?

Why don't men learn to properly tie their tie. Different occassions require different types of knots for you tie: Windsor, Half-Windsor, Four-in-Hand, and Pratt Knot. Also, learn the proper length. 1/4 inch above or below the center of your belt buckle.

How many women are wearing uncomfortable shoes simply because they are cute.

Does anyone have any unpaid parking tickets?

2006-04-21T17:27:00.000-07:00

The event is about to begin in roughly 35 minutes. All the food caterers (sp?) are setting up and the bar is about to open up. I see a small of assorment of wines, perhaps I can be a tester. At least, offer my opinion. Perhaps, with a bit of luck I can snake a few wine bottles at the end. I'm catching a few glances from the ladies...but they're really not my type. But, nonetheless its nice to be noticed.

I really should start brining my camera with everywhere I go again.

If Barcelona makes it to the final phase of the Champions League, I can guarantee I will ask for the day off. Also, I will be taking some days off in June...Doushite?? World Cup Soccer!!!!!!

Nippon Ike! Ike!

2006-04-21T14:46:00.000-07:00

I just sniffed so hard that I think I snorted a booger into my esophagus.

Research coming along...I supposed I have enough to start my paper, but I need to organize my thoughts and how I plan to develop my points.

At times, I feel I've lost my comedic sense. I've mangaged to replace it with depression and lack of motivation. Not completely though. I do manage to squeeze a few rays of sarcasm, and smart-assim (if that's even a word).....
....Although, talking to you as of late has cheered me up abit.

2006-04-21T13:55:00.000-07:00

I just came back from lunch. Mexican food...it was aight. I got my car warshed and filled up the gas tank. I spent some time in Mitsuwa. I bough myself some cold coffee. Now, I'm right back at my place of duty. I'm gonna try to do some research for my paper. It's due next Thursday along with a presentation. Oh well...I have all weekend. Besides, its only 7 pages long. 7 hours left to go on this shift.

2006-04-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

Arrived at work an hour ago and I'm already done with my work for the day. Unlesss, of course something else pops up...which it will. But, I have a feeling that I will be bored most of this 12 hour work shift. I figured I shall be productive and keep a running log of my daily thoughts and activities. For example: I'm gonna go buy some coffee from "Evil Empire", brb...

2006-04-20T23:36:00.000-07:00

Can you miss somebody you've never met?

<><><>

"Remember remember the 5th of November
gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot."

Song -
"Winter III Allegro" - Vivaldi

P.S
Your shoe is untied.

Ha! made you look.

2006-04-16T14:39:00.000-07:00

The safest place to be during an earthquake would the the stationary store.

When you find existing time on a parking meter, you should be able to add it to the end of your life. Minus the time you spent on hold.

How likely is it that all the people who are described as missing are living together in a small town somewhere?

When blowing out your birthday candles, suppose you wish for one of the candles to stay lit? Is it possible for your wish to come true?

Sometimes, when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.

So far, this is the oldest I've ever been.

I'd hate to be an alcoholic with Alzheimer's. Imagine needing a drink and forgetting where you put it.

...

I think George Carlin is a brilliant comedian. I've wasted the entire day watching television and doing laundry. I really should get started on my term paper. Yea, as soon as I finish ironing my shirts...I shall begin reading. Also, If you ever feel like chatting, you can find me on MSN (Taliesn2075@hotmail.com). I used to be on AOL, but I forgot my password. Anywho, all the cool kids are on MSN...right Chloe?

...that is all.

2006-04-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

I found out where the cute girl from school works. No, im not stalking her. Its purely coincidental. I was having lunch with Laura at the mall and she wanted to buy some stuff from the MAC store. So, we ventured over and while she was busy pondering over her options...there SHE was behind the counter. I quickly pointed her out to Laura who agreed with me that the girl was cute. Also, she (Laura) mentioned that I shouldn't stand too close to her, it could send across the wrong message. I tried to make eye contact with her, but she never looked in my direction.

Anywho, I saw the cute girl again at school today. I was talking to another student as she was leaving the campus. I glanced over at her hoping to make eye contact and send her a smile. Well, when I looked over in her direction I found her looking right at me. We made very brief eye contact because she quickly turned her look away. It was a very quick turn of the eyes; the type you make when you're looking at someone and all of a sudden that person looks right back at you, so you turn your look elsewhere very quickly. (Perhaps this means something? Maybe she's interested?)

But, I haven't the courage to go talk to her. Hence I shall admire from afar. Although, Laura suggested I return to MAC (reason does not matter) and as I'm purchasing something, I should begin small talk with her which can open the door for more small talk at school. This idea could work...but it depends on several tangibles: (1) she has to be working (2) she has to tend to me (3)and I have to speak up. Otherwise, my trip would be pointless.

And until now...well, right now...I had no reason to return to MAC. But, luckily I have a friend who has a birthday coming up next month and she wears MAC products. But, knowing my luck, and knowing myself I will more than likely (whats more than likely? how about 90%) I will enter the store, buy the gift certificate and leave.

I can't approach her out of nowhere and ask her out on a date. I think that's a bit weird. It would put us both in uncomforable situations. Hmm...How should I approach this? I guess I have plenty of time to think about it. I won't see her again until Monday. Unless, I decide to go to the mall this weekend and buy the gift card.

...that is all.

2006-04-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

I've found a new poster for my wall.

Shizuka ni natte kudasai

2006-04-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

Ima wa shigoto ni imasu. Demo, isogashikunai.

I went to the movies again. I watched "Inside Man" with Jodie Foster, who in my opinion is still hot and who will always be Agent Clarice Starling in my eyes. Her name in this movie is "Madeline"...I chuckled when I heard this.

(Everytime I think I've made some progress and turned you into a forgotten memory, something comes along to resuscitate you. Do you remember how we decided to name our daughter Madeline?)

But I digress, "Inside Man" was an O.K movie. If you pay ANY attention to it you can easily figure it out. I figured it out in the first five minutes. I dislike watching "who dunn-it" movies. I will spend the entire time trying to identify the guilty individual instead of enjoying the movie. Anywho....added another babe to my list. I added "Amelie" adorable and a very cute girl; which I noticed will be in this summer's "The Da Vinci Code".

Remember remember the 7th of November. Yea, I know he say's the 5th...but my birthday is the 7th of November so it makes it sound cooler.

...that is all.

V for ....

2006-03-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

Awesome.

No, seriously the movie is good. Although, I would suggest taking a dictionary when you go to watch this movie. I loved the music from V's jukebox. I wonder if the movie has a soundtrack and I wonder if all those songs are on the CD. Well, not all 872, but at least the ones played in the movie. Actually, all the music in the movie was amazing. LeAnne was right...I think my vocabulary increased. Now, go watch V for Vendetta!!

Ike! Ike!

...that is all.

A decision to Master

2006-03-23T00:44:00.000-08:00

I know its a no-brainer.

Yet, its a decision I didn't plan on making. It would change my plans or at least postpone them. I guess I have plenty of time to think it over. But, it was never in the original plan. Although, if there is one thing I've learned from my life experience it is this: there is no plan.

Original intent (a.k.a The plan): Graduate with my Bachelors and move to Japan to become an English professor. Backup plan: Obtain a job with any of the following agencies: N.S.A, F.B.I, C.I.A, Secret Service, N.C.I.S...in no particular order.

But, there is a small change of direction...well maybe not a change. Another option has become available: Graduate school. I'm even thinking about Law School. I don't care to become a lawyer but a J.D is required to become a Federal Agent. Well, not exactly required but HIGHLY recommended.

Crazy huh?
I think it is.
Am I good enough?
A Masters Degree?
Do I have the desire?
I feel completely intimidated.

I don't know if i'm willing to postpone my plans for a few more years to attend graduate school. I'm ready to graduate and move on to Japan. Can I wait a few more years? What if I don't get a teaching job? I think having a Masters degree would benefit me in the long run.

I guess the decision has been made for me already. I simply have to commit to the idea. Afterall, if tuition was free wouldn't you study for your Masters?

Song
"Rebirth of Slick" -Digable Planets

IM OUT!

Equality

2006-03-15T22:05:00.000-08:00

Here's my argument: If a gentlemen opens a door for a lady and they're both entering a location where they must queue, I say the polite thing to do is for the lady to offer her place in the queue to the gentlemen. I'm not saying that it's required. Just like its not required for a man to open the door. Afterall, If he didn't open the door and allow her to enter before him, it would be his proper place in the line. What if she's the one millionth customer and she wins a prize? But, the prize actually belongs to the gentlemen. In principle it should be his...I smell a possible lawsuit.

I guess all I'm getting is equality. I've acutally been in several situations where I've opened the door for a woman and subsequently she's offered my "proper" place in line. I've always rejected the offer but its the thought that counts. Actually, the major reason I turn down the offer is because I can't check her out if im standing in front of her...duh!!!

IM OUT!

Dichotomy

2006-03-14T23:29:00.000-08:00

The duality is almost laughable and contradictory. At times, I can be very narcissistic and hold others in contempt. I'm extremely competent and productive at work. At school I'm often labeled, by others, as the "smart guy." Yet, I can't seem to translate such "confidence" and effectiveness into my personal life. The professional and educational aspects of my life are under control. I guess im afraid of failure. But, how can I be afraid of failure when I've stated before that it's simply not an option. Its quite simple; I have control over other aspects of my life. I decide whether or not I fail. But, when it comes to asking a girl out on a date...I have no control and I don't enjoy that feeling. I'm not trying to convey myself as a control freak or anything of that nature...I simply would like to able to affect the outcome. Affect (as a transitive verb)...yea that's the correct word. Yet, this is one problem I can't seem to solve. Hence, the reason why I no longer care. And I know the reason why I can't seem to get a date...well two reasons actually: my face and my personality. /rimshot.

Yet, another reason Ms. Portman is a dope ass chick.
Natalie Portman Video

Song
"Tears and Rain" -James Blunt

IM OUT!

Daily Affirmation

2006-02-23T22:59:00.000-08:00

I need to be Dr. Burke.
I need to be Dr. Bailey.

I admire these characters on the hit T.V show "Grey's Anatomy." I admire their work ethic and their "confidence" or "cockiness". I admire that they have the answer to every situation and they are correct 99.9% of the time. Whenever they speak, everyone listens. I admire how they run the "show" and how nobody questions them. They are respected and feared at the same time. I see part of myself in them.

I simply lack the assertiveness that they possess. I know im fully capabale and completely competent to fullfill the career I wish to pursue (Forensic Investigator)...but I sometimes question my abiity. I second guess myself. Yet, others don't even blink when they express their confidence in me. I guess its a good thing. I need a daily affirmation...I used to be confident in my abilities...but the last several years my self-esteem has taken a complete nosedive. I was once told by Larah that I should be a doctor. I think she's full of shit...but I guess it was her way to telling me that I am a person of intellect. She believed in me....so why can't I?

I set high goals for myself. I do this as a challenge to myself. I want to be known as someone who is smart, educated, "cultured" and talented. I want to be fluent at Japanese and afterwards, I wish to learn Chinese. Why? I don't know. I want to speak AT LEAST 5 languages. I'm at 2 1/2 right now...half way home. In the end I wish to speak English, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese and Latin. I want to learn the piano. I've taken a class but lack practice and skill. I wish to play pieces by Bach, Mozart, Rachimanoff, Fats Domino and Beethoven. I want to read every book I can get my hands on. I wish to know abit on every subject. I want to have a bookshelf filled with books I've read.

But, maybe its harmful to set such high standards. What if I fail? What if I don't achieve some of my goals? Will that cause some sort of chain reaction that will cause me to tailspin out of control? Will it have the domino effet and cause me to fail at everything else I attempt? Or perhaps it will prevent me from attempting anything new. Perhaps, it will force me to question my worth and ability...and confidence.

I'm already there. The only way for me to go from here...is straight ahead. I refuse to fail. I may not achieve ALL of my goals...but I will achieve the ones that matter the most to me. I promise you. I simply have to believe that I'm capable. And I know I am.

IM OUT!

THIS is my post title

2006-02-14T22:17:00.000-08:00

Perfect Hair Forver

This cartoon is awesome, no it's beyond awesome (Um, what's beyond awesome? I don't know, but whatever it is...this cartoon is past that). The plot is still abit unclear to me but that doesn't matter. The randomness is what makes this cartoon uber awesome. Randomness is wonderful. Anywho, check it out. If you have cable do yourself a favor and TiVO that shit.

Well, today was a good day....."I didn't even have to use my AK"...that's right im tossing some Ice Cube at y'all. I gave R a ride home again. I guess her boyfriend was working late or something...I don't know, I don't care. It's a mere coincidence that her house is on the way to my school. I'm sure this ain't the last time this will happen.

I can't recall WHO gave me this sagelike advice: "Bewary of a girl who doesn't talk about her boyfriend." Indeed be on guard. Women are not to be trusted. Unless, they have a pint of rock road ice cream and can be quiet during an ENTIRE football game...excluding commercials of course. Besides that...Be on guard.

Song
"I Used To Love Someone" -Anthony Hamilton

IM OUT!

Kindess = Hotness

2006-02-13T23:48:00.000-08:00

"...neve trust a big butt and a smile..."
"Poision" -Bell Biv DeVoe

I was thinking of this song last week. But, then I heard it on Scrubs...and damn...its still a dope song. Turk has some serious moves. Scrubs is an awesome show. Elliot is cute. Anywho, I never realized how rude people have become. "Please", "Excuse me", "Pardon me", and "Sorry" have pretty much been erased from the English language. I guess that's why when this very pretty girl began her sentence with..."Excuse me for interupting, but I'm wondering if you can help me..." her hotness level JUMPED two full points (not that she needed it). Yep, the secret is out. If you want to score points in my book here's what you do: be polite. It's that simple. I find politeness attractive and its sexy. Perhaps, I'm old fashioned...but since when did manners go out of style? I try to be polite to everyone without overdoing it because it could spell trouble. If a guy is TOO polite he may come across as queer...and that's not me. I'm just a nice guy who keeps on finishing last. You know that saying..."He won her affection"...well if HE won, then that means that somebody lost...and that somebody is always me. Nice guys ALWAYS finish last. It's something I've learned and had to come to terms with...in a painful taste of reality.

P.S
Eff Eww Valentine's Day

IM OUT!

/Shrug

2006-02-07T22:43:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day is for fags...and couples. A couple of fags?

Well, work is going well. I finally got my wish. I work mostly Monday through Friday and I'm off every other Saturday. On Sundays im always off. Everything else is icing on the cake. Especially all the eye candy...but I think I mentioned that in a previous post. Didn't I?

I was sitting at work today and I wondered how many, if any, of the people I've been in contact with at work have ever visited my blog? I don't know, I'm sure it's none...but I found the thought to be entertaining for about 5 seconds.

So far, I enjoy the work environment and my co-workers. We have a few hotties working at our location. I wonder what they say about me? Not that it matters, but I'm just curious. I'm glad I've managed to earn their trust. One of the cute girls asked me to give her a ride home after work. I guess her car was in the shop and her boyfriend was out of town on business. Anyways, I was simply glad that she trusted me enough to allow me to drive her home...after knowing her for only a week. I guess I must come across as a trustworthy person...or she was REALLY desperate for a ride home.

The new girl, T, is a TOTAL hottie. She has become my "McDreamy." And of course the best part is that I get to work with her in close proximity every day. I like the way she smells. Also, she has the longest lashes, which for some reason I find very sexy. And, she digs The Shins and James Blunt. If she were a celebrity, she would be on my list. Hell, I need to make a non-celebrity list...yea, maybe I should do that...I already know three people right off the bat that would be on that list. Perhaps I would limit that list down to 5 women.

I still can't seem to shake you loose. I think of you at least once a day. Most of the time, I think of you all day long. How? Why? I don't know. I haven't heard from you in almost two years. We haven't spoken...we saw each other for a split second last year...but that's all. I hope to meet someone for a few reasons: One of those reasons is not to be alone any longer, but more importantly, I hope that meeting someone will drive you out of my mind. It's the only chance I have since I can't seem to pry you lose.

You've anchored yourself to my soul. I miss you alot.
"...I wish I knew how to quit you..."

Song:
"Saint Simon" -The Shins

IM OUT!

Out of my mind

2006-02-05T22:39:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been away for abit...although not on purpose. I've been enjoying work tremendously. Although, I don't feel as if I belong just yet. But, im sure its completely natural to feel out of place. I must learn a new job and met new people. I must remember daily activities that need to be completed and I must remember the names and faces of my new co-workers. Also, the eye candy is very, very good.

I need to wake up early tomorrow to run some errands before going to work. I need to take my pants to the tailor to have them fitted. Also, I need to mail off my payments and I need to find a new sun-shade for my car. I need to study abit as well.

I have thought of several things to post about, but I haven't had the motivation to post. Perhaps things will be better this week. I do have alot to think about.

Song
"Out of my mind" -James Blunt

I need to buy this CD. I think his voice is awesome. I have to thanks LeAnne for introducing me to this musical treat. Thank You.

IM OUT!

Kondo. . .

2006-01-23T23:03:00.000-08:00

Ima wa chotto isogashii desu.

IM OUT!

P.S
I farted

A New Hope

2006-01-13T22:54:00.000-08:00

Okay, if you didn't automatically think of the Star Wars movie when you read the title...you are so NOT cool.

A New Year.
A New Job.
A New Car.
A New . . .

Well, so far this year has been fruitful. The only thing "missing" is a new girlfriend. But, in order to a "new" girl, one must first have an "old" girl. Therefore, I'm gonna leave that spot open. I'm still working on it...sorta, kinda, well not really. I'm still pondering on posting pictures of my new car. I'm hesitating because I'm partially supersticious. I posted pictures of my last car and it was stolen. I hope you can understand my thought process.

So, I will post pictures soon...maybe.

My new job is at the University. National University to be exact. I will be working Monday thru Friday and every other Saturday. Sundays I will be off. Holidays are observed, medical and dental benefits, but most important I get a discount on tuition. Acutally, I believe tuition is free. If tuition is free...I'm thinking graduate school. Why not? Besides the fact that I will spend several more years in school. But, I will have my Masters degree. Hmmmm, something to ponder. I would be the first person in my family with a Masters Degree. The only downside to working at National is that my class and work schedule does not allow me to continue my Japanese studies at Mira Costa. I can always continue on my own...to a certain degree.

I have a Biology mid-term tomorrow. Not looking forward to it...studied all day. Yet, im not sure if I retained anything. I will find out tomorrow.

P.S.
Kyou wa okaasan no tanjoubi deshita. Happy Birthday!

IM OUT!

Happy New Year?

2006-01-02T16:56:00.000-08:00

I went to the hospital last week. I took my kid sister to visit her dad in ICU. We, my mother, my sister and me, arrived at 11:30am, but she couldn't enter the ICU unit to see him. The nurses were attempting to insert an IV into his chest. He was in a comma-like state and was not responding. The doctor told us that he was suffering from severe liver and kidney failure. She further stated that his ammonia and sodium levels were extremely high. I'm not sure what it all meant but it did not sound good. I guess years of alcohol and drug abuse had finally caught up with him. Perhaps, it's for these reasons my sister and him did not have a healthy relationship. Yet, this did not stop her from caring for him.

After the quick update the doctor dropped the hammer.

The doctor explained the situation was extremely serious and did not see him pulling out of this situation. The decision was simple: life support or let him die. My sister, being the only daughter, was asked by the doctor what should be done. I held her as she broke down in tears. I didn't want my sister to make such a choice. At this time we, my mother and me, explained to the doctor that his sister was on her way. We wanted her to make the decision. I thought it was too much for a 19 year old to handle.

We sat around and waited for the nurses and doctors to do everything in their power and capabilities to rescue this poor man. I held onto my sister as she cried for him. The doctor emerged once again for an update. This time the doctor suggested that the best thing to do at this moment would be to find someone to bless him. The treatment was not working. He was not responding to the medication. Once again, the doctor asked whether he should be placed on life support.

The answer was no.

The Priest arrived and blessed him. It was now a matter of time. I asked my sister to say her goodbye and pray for him as well. He may be in a comma but he can still hear you. I waited outside. On December 29th, 2005 at 5:49pm, my sister came out of ICU with tears flowing down her cheeks. He was gone. I held her once again. I didn't know what to say. It was an awkward moment for me. I simply held her in my arms and allowed her to cry her heart out. I figured the best thing for me to do was to simply be there and hold her.

What a shitty way to end the year.

Mada...

2005-12-22T07:20:00.000-08:00

"...You touched my heart, you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind but that I knew
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your head
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well,
I know your smell
I've been addicted to you
Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me..."

-James Blunt
"Goodbye my lover"

Happy Birthday. I hope you have a marvelous day. I wish I could celebrate with you...mada aishiteru.

Freestyle

2005-12-19T23:54:00.000-08:00

From the top. . .

How about them CHICAGO BEARS??!!?? Awesome Defense and now with Rex Grossman back our offense can move the ball down the field. We actually have a chance in the playoffs.

Hokay, two new awesome cartoons...check them out.

Boondocks

Squidbillies

Still dislike Christmas...and people.

I don't think most men realize...buying lingerie for your wife, girlfriend, whoever or whatever is actually a gift for YOU.

Michael's (Arts and Craft) is the hot spot for cute chicks. Well, at least in Mission Valley.

Pedestrians have the right of way ONLY in crosswalks, anywhere else...well, they're free game.

Boxers > Briefs

Holidays are depressing and should be banned in all 48 states. Sorry, Alaska and Hawaii.

I've never seen a gay midget. Nor, an Asian midget. Hmm, nor a gay Asian midget. Although, I have seen a family with mullets for haircuts. Dad, mom, two boys and a girl. I see a therapist in their future.

If I were rich, filthy rich...well, not rich...wealthy...filthy wealthy...I would throw a party for myself and invite everyone I hate but not allow them inside. I would trap them in a glass box and make them watch me have a good time. Afterwards, I would send them pictures of the party they weren't allowed to participate.

IM OUT!

Yasumu

2005-12-11T10:29:00.000-08:00

Ima made ni kyou wa totemo ii desu. Terebi de America no futoboru wa miteiru tokoro desu. Chikago Bearusu wa ichiban daisuki desu. Kono gemu owarimashita ato de deepato e kaimono shini ikimasu. Konsuu no kayoobi saigo nihongo no shiken ga arimasu, sore de wa kyoo to ashita mo benkyo suru tsumori desu.

Ja mata

Flippin' Sweet

2005-12-06T09:45:00.000-08:00

IM OUT!

Player Haters

2005-12-03T13:46:00.000-08:00

We, Gmo and I, have decided to hate on individuals. The individuals we have decided to hate is the people who appear on GQ covers. We review every issue and determine whether or not the individual on the cover is deemed a "pretty boy." If the indivudual is determined to be "pretty" we draw on his face. If its a female on the cover and I dislike her she's also fair game.

Hate, hate, hate...

I shall have monthly updates.

IM OUT!

2005-12-03T13:44:00.000-08:00

Tom Brady: Inaugural cover

2005-12-03T13:43:00.000-08:00

Cameron Diaz: I can't stand this broad. I don't find her attractive at all. Actually, she reminds me of Jack Nicholson as the Joker in Batman.

2005-12-03T13:41:00.000-08:00

Orlando Bloom: Yea, I knows hes Legolas but he was a total bitch in "Troy."

2005-12-03T13:39:00.000-08:00

Vince Vaughn: We decided that Vince is ugly enough on his own. He doesn't need any help from us.

Age 'aint nothing but a number

2005-11-28T23:58:00.000-08:00

I ran into Valerie last week at the mall. It was the first time I've seen her since she quit. Actually, it was nice to see her beautiful smile once again. We walked around the mall entered a few shops and discussed our plans for Thanksgiving. We didn't exchange phone numbers or anything, we simply talked for about 30 mintues and we went our seperate ways.

11 years

I've been thinking about this number for a while now. It's the only thing that is stopping me from dating G. I think she's a cute girl and I have a fun time with her...but then it hits me...11 years. It's the age difference between us. I think its too much. I set a limit for myself at 5 years for younger women and 2 years for older women. Yet, it seems that evertime I set some sort of limit on myself someone comes along and trancends that self-imposed barrier. Allow me to give you some examples: Michele and Larah.

Anywho, I really put some thought into this situation when I had an epiphany in speech class last week. I saw something that concerned me...to this very second. I saw my possible future self. Does that make sense? Anywho, I was watching this indivudual introduce himself to the class. He was 40 years old, single, and enjoyed all things Japanese. He even had a "Talk nerdy to me" shirt written in Japanese. I panicked for a while and it made me evalute my situation. I know I have a while to go before I hit 40, but I don't care to be 40 AND alone.

I would like to date someone...technically its been 4 years since I've date anyone. I say technically because Larah and I sorta, kinda, dated. I count it as a relationship. This was over a year ago...check the archives. But, I can't get over the age difference between us. Perhaps, I'm simply being a moron. Am I? I don't know...self-analysis is irrelevant at this point. I can't think of anything else that would prevent me from dating G.

I asked my homegirl Carina for some advice but I never really received a straight answer. I think she's on the same thought process as me, but she doesn't care to tell me the truth. Carina is an intelligent girl. I ask her for advice from time to time...although I can't ask Gmo for advice on a situation like this. Why? Well, I already know the answer he would retort with: "Dude, who cares...get yours. You need to ger yourself some action." Sagelike advice from the master

I don't know...I'm gonna go ahead and do some research on my next speech. I'm gonna talk about the EZLN. If wonder if the professor would approve of this subject.

Keep it gangsta y'all
Keep it gangsta

IM OUT!

Party Pics

2005-11-11T09:22:00.000-08:00

Never allow a drunk man near an open flame. Check out the stain on Gmo's shirt.

2005-11-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

Lightweight

2005-11-11T09:15:00.000-08:00

Can you hear me now? Good.

2005-11-11T09:14:00.000-08:00

Prison love

2005-11-11T09:12:00.000-08:00

This picture tells all about our household. Carina telling Jeronimo to stop doing something and Jeronimo placing the on somebody else. I think he should be a sociology major.

2005-11-11T09:08:00.000-08:00

Kono biiru wa totemo oishii da yo!

2005-11-11T09:06:00.000-08:00

Mark, Carina and Rebecca